It isn’t very pretty. I struggle with balance. Depending on the trigger I either overeat for comfort or restrict out of emotional pain.
I have never found a happy medium. When stress over takes me and I feel the dip I turn to food for solace. I don’t really get comfort from it though because too many years of abusing food has wreaked havoc on my body. I am overweight, sluggish, and tired all of the time. I have always struggled with body image and self esteem issues as well so it only keeps me in a constant state of self loathing and hate. Then I tend to flip the switch and restrict food for a while because that worked for me when I was a teen. Or so is how I felt.
It is a vicious cycle.
Every year I say the same. This year is my year. I will break the cycle and overcome. I will lose the weight, and every year ends the same. I stay stuck in the cycle.
I stay stressed, with raising babies and dealing with my own self. I continue to eat my pain and feelings. And I stay down. I stay sad. I stay tired.
Yet, here we are again. New year, new me. Right?
I’m still working on it. But, I really am tired of it all. I really want to break this cycle. I want to find my happy again.
Thus, part of the reason I decided to start this blogging thing to begin with. As a sort of journaling therapy for myself.
Here’s to a new me. Maybe?
This is so huge!
SO STINKING HUGE!
Mr. K has had food aversion since he was a toddler. He has never been very willing to try much new stuff that didn’t fit directly into the bread or chicken nugget group. He has added and lost a few things he will eat over the years and cycled back on a couple, but for the most part, he only has three foods he eats regularly. Biscuits. Cinnamon rolls. Tyson dinosaur chicken nuggets.
This kid who has only had a handful of foods he could even look at, who gags at the smell of most everything, and who can hardly even sit at the same table with these different foods tried rice and gravy!
He sat down with the plate in front of him and stared. He picked up a morsel of rice and placed it on his tongue. I told him not to overthink it because he would just psyche himself out. He took a bite and quickly spit it back out. He took another bite and actually chewed before spitting it back out. He took a third bite and, again, chewed before spitting it back out. I know he wanted to like it. He tried so hard, he just couldn’t bring himself to. Still, he tried one of the foods he hasn’t eaten since he was a year old. He tried, and that is what matters.
It took everything in me not to cry while watching him take this huge step. I am so incredibly proud of this little man. He has made claims that he would like to start trying new things. He did attempt to take a bite of a banana not too long ago. It went a bit worse than this.
Looks like he and I need to take a trip to the store to let him look and feel different things and see what he wants to try next!