Finding myself

I think I am finally figuring out who I am.

I have always had anxiety. I have always been incredibly shy. I have always had low self esteem. I have always been a people pleaser. I have always cared too much about the opinions of others.

All of this has always kept me from expressing myself. It has kept me from being who might be the true me. I still don’t know who that person is but I’m excited to be free enough to try to finally find her.

Last year I dyed colorful streaks in my hair. This is something I’ve always wanted but been too afraid to do because I feel like I would be judged negatively. Even if people weren’t actually judging me I felt that judgment. It is something I’ve always done. I perceive every thing as a judgment. I’m pretty sure it stems from the anxiety issues.

So this and the shyness has always kept me from doing things that draw attention. Like dying my hair fun colors.

I’ve made it a goal this year to step out of that comfort zone.

I am dying the tips of my hair purple soon.

I even got a tattoo. Something I have wanted to do since I was fairly young. Every time I got to a point where I might actually get one that perceived judgment would sneak in and make me change my mind.

Enough is enough though.

To see change in my life I have to be the change.

So, that is what I am doing this year.

So far I’ve managed to feel happier than I have in a very long time. My moods have been fairly stable lately, which helps I think.

Sorry I have been M.I.A

Is it Spring yet?

I am so over Winter.

We have been dealing with another bought of flu, colds, and allergies. Every one in my house (except the oldest) has been sick with something. We have made three trips to the doctor in just two weeks. I’m done. I am over this season of yucky weather, germ, and sickness.

I am trying to trick my house into thinking it’s an early Spring. I’ve begun the decorating for Spring and Easter. I thought it was working too, but my girl came home today complaining of stomach ache and earache. I’m hoping it’s just a fluke.

In the meantime I’ve been on a disinfecting rampage along with the decorating.

I’m hoping to get everyone better and get back on track with the posting.