The Big Jump… To medicate or not?

I have always been against medicating children. I swore I would never medicate any of my children. I was against even using Tylenol or Motrin unless necessary. I didn’t even take medicine myself unless absolutely necessary.

Then I actually became a mom. Ha!

Pregnancy was rough. I stayed sick and everything hurt.

Mr. K scared us to death when he had his first febrile seizure at just a few weeks old. After that, anytime he was feverish I had the Tylenol ready.

Once we finally got his ADHD diagnosis everyone asked if we would medicate him. It has been a struggle and it has been hard for him. When we FINALLY got the Aspergers diagnosis too, I was asked again about medicating. I have been adamant about not medicating for that until absolutely necessary.  He has had a very rough couple of years in school and some not so great teachers. He has been struggling to stay focused. He has struggled with keeping his assignments in order.

While he has matured a lot in the last year with middle school on the horizon we have been playing around with the idea of trying out medication. I sat him down and discussed it a little with him. We asked a few of his peers who are on medication their view. We spoke with his Behavioral Therapist and also a trusted teacher friend. Together, we decided to give it a try. With puberty coming at any time and the craziness of Middle School we just feel it is worth a shot.

Our hopes are that it will help him to focus so he can get his work done. We all know they have so much work these days. We hope it helps him find a calm in the midst of all the chaos.

We have officially begun the journey to try medications. We have spoken with the doctor at our therapy group. We had our first appointment with the nurse to get history and fill out paperwork. (There is so much paperwork!) We have had his labs done. Phew. Which he totally rocked the blood draw. He did better than me when I had to have it done!

I am anxious about this step. I don’t want it to change him. He is amazing as is. Always has been, always will be.

A case of the Sundays…

Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest. This is what I hear, but for me Sundays can be my most unrestful day. Not that I am physically busy, though sometimes I am. Sunday tends to be the day my anxiety and depression hit the worst. My mood swings get wild, I am overly frustrated by everything, and just downright unpleasant. There was a span of months, maybe even a year long span, that every Sunday I would be “in a mood”. Hence, why my husbands dubbed my issue “A case of the Sundays”.

I haven’t figured out why Sunday in particular was so hard. Maybe because Sunday is that day where one week ends and new one begins. It is a transitional day. My depression doesn’t know how to transition easily. It comes on full force at times. It sneaks up on me gradually other time. Then it can leave as quickly as it came or go on for months.

I have mostly learned my stressors. Stress, for instance, which is my constant state of being. I stress over everything. Literally. The stress wears me down and gives way for my depression to sneak back up. Anxiety is another friend of mine. Always there, telling me to worry about everything. Replaying every single situation I have been in as far back as I can remember. Perfection, or the perceived need to be perfect that is. I know I am not perfect and it is impossible to be but my mind needs me to be. I plan and over plan every aspect of my life. When things don’t go the way I plan it sets off a ripple effect. Add all these aspects on top of a fragile psyche and I drown. I am always inches away from going completely under.

Sundays aren’t my only hard days. Any given day can be a hard day. Any moment of any day can turn a good day into a hard day. Any slight hitch in my plan can set my mind off and turn my day upside down. Some times it is easier to hide than other times. When I am with certain people it is easier to keep that air of having it together. I can’t let anyone know I am not perfect, after all. I have invested so much into my perceived image that the world gets to see. Even my family and friends have only had glimpses into my true reality. The walls I have built are so tall and thick and heavy that they keep my true self hidden well only letting out little specks every now and then through the cracks.

This even, is only a glimpse. I could feel my mood slipping and my false happiness beginning to fade so I wanted to write it out. To let some of it go. I have never been good at “talking it out” or sharing my feelings. I usually hold back until it becomes too much and everything explodes out like a canon ball firing from a canon.

I’m working on that.

It is still early yet on my Sunday but I am striving to win this battle and have more good days than hard and less “case of the Sundays” on any day of the week.

A step back into the Prehistoric…

Today, my mom and I, took the turkeys on a little adventure. We surprised them with a road trip. We didn’t tell them where we were going or why, just said to get dressed and get in the car.
The ride itself was relatively quick and completely painless. The kids read books and talked to each other. Only one asked how long until we got there. We only had to make one potty break. Oh! and no one hit each other! Did I mention, our trip was only an hour away?! Even so, and hour is an eternity for my crew but I think they were just excited for the change of scenery as we have been mostly stuck in the house as of late.
Do you want to know where we went? If the title doesn’t give you a hint… We surprised the kids with a trip to the Prehistoric Park. It is basically a zoo of dinosaurs if anyone doesn’t know! I wish I would have caught the expressions on their faces when we pulled up and saw the big old Brachiosaurus at the entrance! 19679040_1599651326714415_6550840845730497423_o
We didn’t quite know what to expect and the place has mixed reviews but all kids love dinos so we chanced it. It is mostly statues of the dinosaurs with the stands that have their information. A roar and other dinosaur sounds can be heard throughout the park on the speakers. Miss Diva was a little frightened at first but she warmed up after a few dinos. It was really neat to see, first hand, just how big they would have been. You see on movies and shows them compared to people but it is a whole other experience to see their greatness up close. The boys were excited to see each dinosaur and just the experience in general. Of course, K spouted off all of his extensive dinosaur knowledge for us and the other guests. He also got a kick out of the little random jokes that were posted. I do believe their favorite part was the gift shop though! Toward the end there were some animatronic dinosaurs that moved. That was pretty cool!


After we finished with the gift shop we enjoyed the little park area and fossil dig for a while. We did lunch at Piccadilly and stopped off at a small Alligator sanctuary on the way home.

Overall it was a great day. I was pleasantly surprised because I tend to overthink our outings and end up stressing the whole time. I managed to stay calm and actually enjoyed myself today which we all needed. A fun day, doing family stuff, and enjoying it!

I almost forgot! We got to see and hold an actual Mosasaurus fossil! 19488670_1599608166718731_7167056308985593060_o.jpg

The Beginning

So, I have decided to take the plunge. I am going to do this blogger thing. You will have to bare with me as I find my groundings. I really hope you enjoy this little peek into my life.

Oh! Who am I?

Yeah, I guess that is an important thing to know!

Let me introduce myself. Hi! My name is Shelly. I am a stay at home mom to 4 rambunctious little turkeys. Ok, they aren’t actual turkeys but some days it does feel like they are farm animals!

I struggle with depression and this mommin’ thing. Being a mom is hard. Having depression and anxiety is hard. Raising wild turkeys is HARD! Ha! I want to share my experiences with whomever is willing to listen. To let other moms know, it’s ok. I feel called to share my struggles dealing with my own illness and also navigating life with my children, one who has Aspergers. I don’t know exactly how well I will do or how interesting I will be, but I am hoping opening up about my life will be therapeutic.

Now about those Turkeys…
K is my oldest. The one I mentioned who has Aspergers. We are still fairly new with the official diagnosis and we haven’t completely navigated with him what that means but he recognizes his differences and struggles. We are also on the verge of preteen-dom and heading to Middle School! I. AM. SCARED! Nah, I’m sure we will be just fine!

Next is Dee. He is just a year and a half behind K so not quite at preteen-dom yet but not a little kid anymore. He is a little big ole teddy bear. Kid hearted but stubborn.

Moving on to the baby boy of the family, Mr. Colt. Just a tad spoiled and a total Mama’s boy. My heartthrob, little romantic. He loves snuggling and picking flowers for me. Also, the sweetest First Grader you’ll ever meet.

Last, but not least; Miss Diva Princess, Tootie. I think the title is self explanatory but I will still tell you, she is a D.I.V.A ! Obsessed with Cheerleading and Disney Princesses. Gearing up for the big old PreK!

First blog post

Here goes nothing.

I need an outlet for the day to day struggles of being a mom and wife. I have depression and anxiety on top of trying to raise four children. I feel like blogging may be a therapeutic experience for me and a good way to reach out to anyone else facing similar struggles.

“It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply.”