Let’s talk, Mother Nature…

I live in the South. Louisiana to be exact. We don’t really do Winter down here. We are used to only having one random day in January that would be considered Winter weather. This week we have had 5 days. It has gotten into the teens. There has been ice and snow. In Louisiana! This was our second snow day this Winter. Our state shut down. Schools and businesses were closed.

Y’all. Lousianians have been going crazy. We don’t know what to do with ourselves. We have been cooped up in our homes complaining on social media about power outages and water problems.

These crazy little turkeys of mine haven’t been to school all week. We have been in close quarters this whole time. I admit I allowed them to have way more screen time than they should but they just don’t do well with this much togetherness. None of us do.

The kids get antsy. They argue. They annoy each other. They whine. As kids do.

But.. we have survived. I managed to not go completely crazy this week. My mental status has been fairly level as well. Which is a miracle because I had no coffee or Dr Pepper this entire week. My two major lifelines.

Maybe we’re finally getting the hang of this.

Still, Mother Nature… go home. We have had our fill of Winter weather. It’s time to get us warmed again.

We bid adieu to another year

New Years Greetings

Wow! I cannot believe that this year only has a few hours left. It has been a great year overall. I decided to try my hand at this blogging thing. My youngest turkey started school. My oldest turkey started (and has been rocking) the medicine to help his ADHD. He also started Middle School!

We had some mini adventures over the summer. New foods were tried, friends were made, and experiences hopefully cemented into our lasting memories.

We are celebrating tonight by watching New Years shows, eating too much, and watching the fireworks our neighbors pop. It is sort of our tradition as it is usually too cold on New Years Eve to do much and the kids pass out early. We are snuggled together in pajamas and blankets. We do have some noise makers and party hats to get into the spirit of things, though. Our partying usually ends by ten o’clock at the latajama

We have said our goodbyes to 2017 and we are excited to see what 2018 holds.

I am not big on resolutions but I hope next year to be better. I want to make memories with my babies. I want to be there and be present with them. I want to go on adventures and learn new things.

So Farewell 2017.

Wishing you all a Happy New Year! May all your dreams and wishes come true!

“And we’ll talk a cup of kindess yet for Auld Lang Syne!”

What are your New Years Traditions and do you make resolutions? Share them below!

Holiday Traditions

We don’t have a lot of traditions. I have never been too good at that. My family never had traditions while I was growing up. My husband isn’t really a hands on person so he doesn’t really do much with us anyway. So, it falls solely on me to try to figure this out and create traditions for my children.

I play Christmas music and we watch just about every Christmas movie ever made throughout the season. We go looking at lights and stop at Sonic for junk food supper afterwards. We do the elf thing. We only open one present on Christmas Eve. We bake cookies and decorate them together. Which is very hard for me because the kids make a mess and of course the cookies come out looking all crazy. They don’t care though. It is just fun for them.

This year, I thought we could try our hand at a gingerbread house. Apparently, one must have patience for building those things. You have yo wait for the icing to dry and harden a bit for it to really stick. As we mostly know, patience is not a strong suit in small children. Especially Preschool aged children. All thought of a beautifully crafted and decorated gingerbread house went out the window. We compromised though. We created a story for the rubble and added a dinosaur for fun! I think the kids loved this version more.

It sure is memorable.

I asked a few friends what their traditions are. They sure have great ideas. One person said their family does a scavenger hunt to find their gifts!

I would love any more suggestions.

What are your families holiday traditions? Even if you do not celebrate Christmas, I’d love to hear!

The Holiday Season is here.

I am one of those ‘Christmas Obsessed’ types.

Like most stores, I start Christmas decorating around Halloween. You could say I follow a retail schedule when it comes to holiday decorating.

This drives my Autistic Turkey cray cray. He believes each holiday should have it’s due time. He has been fussing me since October twenty-seventh when my trees went up.

Mind you, I only had the trees up and not fully decorated or any other decor out until November first. I just can’t help myself. The glow of the lights just make me so happy. I mean, genuinely happy. The soft glow gives me a calm and puts joy in my heart.

Unfortunately, my poor big turkey does not feel the same. He is doing a little better now that it is finally December. He has made it known that when he is grown and on his own he will decorate for each holiday when it is the time and not before. He is still sad I did not really give any thought to Turkey Day decorating. I am sorry kid. I like having a tree and Christmas decor up for Thanksgiving.

Other than that he is handling the holidays very well this year. He is doing amazing in school. Usually by this time he is burnt out and starting to act out at school and his grades suffer. I guess Middle School is just his place.

Today I celebrate life, but my heart is heavy.

Today is my youngest son’s birthday. I rejoice in this day. I go out of my way every year to make my kids feel extra special on their birthdays. No matter how much money we have, what is stressing me, or what is going on in our lives. I decorate our table with party ware, hang birthday banners, either cook their favorite breakfast or surprise them with donuts. I give them a couple of gifts and sing Happy Birthday. Every year. It isn’t much but they love it.

I love their innocence. I want to keep that magic alive for them as long as possible.

We had had a rough couple of birthdays for this little guy. Money has been tight in years past, dad was working out of state, Pop Pop died the week prior. Even through these difficult times I put on a happy face and wrap him up in all my love.

That blind innocence gets harder to keep alive each year. At school not too long ago, they had a gun safety course. One day this month they have drill for what to do if there is a shooting at their school. My sweet little innocent (now) seven year old came home asking if we have guns in the house and what he should do if he found one. It broke my heart that he has that on his mind and heart. In light of recent events, I am even more sad.

It breaks my heart that my kids are growing up in a world where we have to have safety drills for a school shooter. Or a  world where we have to worry about little kids getting the family gun, bringing it to school, and accidentally shooting a classmate. We live in a world where people stalk mothers in parking lots and grocery stores trying to steal their children away to sell them to the highest bidder. A world where people go to night clubs, festivals, and concerts and open fire or set off bombs on people just trying to have a good time. Our world has gone to hell in a handbasket.

This world is the one my children are growing up in. I fear for them every single day. Each birthday signifies one step closer to when they are thrust out into this big bad world all on their own.

For now though, there is nothing I can do but love them and hold them a little longer, hug them a little tighter. Most of all, I can appreciate the moments I have with them.

Stress and my depression..

Stress is a trigger for me. When I stress out my depression symptoms come out. I am always stressed. I do not handle stress very well either.

It is super stressful being a mom. Whether we work away from home or stay home. It is hard. I stay at home. While all four of mine are in school this year I have still found it hard. This back to school season has had it’s added stressor for me. I had surgery right as the kids started school. I was basically out of commission for almost a month and dependent on my mother and husband. Our routines were shot. I was sleeping even less than usual. I missed a major milestone with my youngest.

Add to that we had the threat of hurricane Harvey upon us. We were stuck inside for almost a week with worries of whether or not we would feel it’s wrath.

So, on top of my usual stay at home mom and wife stress I had all of that added in. May I remind you, stress and I don’t get along well. When I am stressed, I freak out over every little thing. My perfectionism comes out. My anger issues abound. I get snappy and stay cranky. I have trouble sleeping. I get sad. I sometimes start to feel hopeless. I feel like an utter failure. Try as I might to not, I end up taking some of my stress out on the kids. I yell. I fuss more. I snap whenever they do anything “wrong”. It isn’t fair to them. I know it isn’t their faults but I can’t help it. I react before I have a chance to think, because I am just so tired from constantly being stressed out and stuck inside my head.

My depression tells me what a failure I am at everything. It can’t let go of the fact I am not perfect. It constantly badgers me for not having the house spotless. It makes me feel guilty for needing to rest. It tells me I am worthless. It tells me I am a horrible mother and my kids deserve so much better than what they received. It tells me my husband deserves a better wife. One who isn’t crazy. A wife who can keep the house spotless and care for the children and have a four course meal prepared every night. My depression tells me I am a crappy friend and a bad daughter.

Some days it takes everything I have just to get out if my bed. I can feel the stress and despair and all these random emotions deep in my bones. It feels like they could break at any given moment from all the weight that is on my body. Everything feels heavy. So heavy.

I haven’t fallen back into that darkness lately but it is a scary place I have been before. I use everything I have to not get to that place. Some days are harder than others. When the stress and the weight of everything seems like too much.

I am lucky. My husband has started picking up on the cues. He sees the toll the stress of life has taken on me. He has started to notice when my outbursts become more frequent. He is able to recognize when everything is too much and I internalize yet again. While I hate his pestering in the moment I am thankful he is here to help pull me away from that dark place. I don’t appreciate him enough.

The last week I was thrown back into taking care of my family on my own again since my surgery. I haven’t handled that transition with the grace i intended to. The stress of doing everything on my own again got the better of me. The past couple of days have been a little rough. I have been snappy and cranky.

Today started out pretty well though. My goal for today is to do better than yesterday. As is my goal for every day.

Surgery, an Eclipse, and Hurricanes… Oh my!

August turned out to be an eventful month for us. The kids went back to school, I ended up in the hospital, we survived the Eclipse without going blind, and rode out the hurricane in our house.

Back to school for the big boys went off without a hitch. We got them dropped off for the first day with no tears. The day was off to a great start. My mom, baby girl, and I decided to hang out together until it was time for the boys to get out of school. Well, my body had other plans. I got incredibly sick and was in so much pain, I ended up in the hospital. Four hours in the emergency room, I finally received pain meds and a diagnosis. It was my gallbladder. It wasn’t doing so well and was making some of my other organs not fair so well either. I ended up with an infected gallbladder, liver, and pancreas. Also, my gallbladder was full of stones. So my four hours in the ER turned into four days in the hospital. We had to get the infections under control before I could have my surgery to remove the gallbladder. My surgery day ended up on the day my sweet girl started Pre-K!

Thursday came and I was still in the hospital waiting to have my surgery so my mom got to be the one to get Princess Diva ready for her very first day of school. She got to bring her into her first classroom, to leave her with her first teacher, and her first school classroom of new little friends. I am still sad I missed out but we got lots of pictures to document the day. Miss Princess Diva rocked her first day of school too! She had a fabulous day and didn’t cry at all. She has had awesome days since, as well.

I came home that Friday and the kids were great with me. They all understood I was hurting and to take it easy. That Monday we had the eclipse. Which was pretty uneventful for us because we didn’t really get to see much of it from my spot in the world. So we survived the eclipse unscathed to have another threat lurking.

Ole Hurricane Harvey was beckoning. We spent a week unsure of where he was headed and trying to figure out what we should do. It is very stressful during Hurricane season especially when there is possibility of them making landfall near your home. It is basically a waiting game until right when it hits because they are so unpredictable. The kids ended up being out of school for three days and we were stuck inside for the duration. Luckily, we survived the Hurricane unscathed as well. Surrounding areas received some damage but my little spot only had some tree limbs fall.

Suffice it to say, I am so glad August is done. I know the weather threats aren’t finished just yet but hopefully we make it through without anymore this season.

In the mean time, I am enjoying the cool front headed in and the cooler, more Fall like weather it brings, as we return to normalcy after an eventful month.